


Chrysalis

by reisadork



Category: Mr. Robot (TV)
Genre: Childhood, Childhood Trauma, Growing Up, Mental Health Issues, Multiplicity/Plurality, Pre Canon, Teen Years, aldersystem, non explicit trauma, only referenced
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25435144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reisadork/pseuds/reisadork
Summary: The pain that made you the odd one outis the story that connects you to a healing world.-Tanya Markul(Various chronological events in Elliot Alderson's life, a fic about change; the struggles and adventures of growing up.)(Trauma referenced but never depicted)
Kudos: 3





	Chrysalis

**Author's Note:**

> Chrysalis; A protecting covering: a sheltered state or stage of being or growth. 
> 
> Hope this work gets finished (it really is ? chapters atm). Help for the title provided by Hexiva (Thank you!)

Things used to be so simple. He was a boy full of promise and joy, he would laugh at anything, and dance, and talk your ear off about the latest excitement. Lots of stuff piqued his interest, especially with computers. He was full of life, and his world was typically normal. He was a good kid, he probably deserved good things. That’s how the world was supposed to work out forever he imagined, but things change, unfortunately. 

He feels like he’s been lied to, that life is somehow a sham, a countdown filled with random inevitably awful occurrences. It sure feels like it's a lie, dreamlike and kind of distant, an intense game of pretend that doesn’t stop. Change affects everything, every grain of sand on every beach. Too much for any one pair of shoes to handle. He isn’t immune to it, but he’d welcome back what once was in a second if he could, anything to make it reverse itself. 

Elliot Alderson stands next to his mother and his little sister, surrounded by family and friends. Many of which he barely knows or even recognizes, many of which he fully suspects to never see again. He’ll be right about that. 

Today the world is all grey even though there are no clouds in the early March sky. He doesn’t look happy, but he also isn’t too upset about the funeral. In fact, he feels almost nothing about it that you’d expect when a parent dies and thinks that’s a bit selfish perhaps. Though who’s to say what’s right about any of this? God or something? He doesn’t care. 

It’s hard to comprehend it all; everything really. Life is strange. So are the planets, the stars, the possibility of aliens, time travel, and multiverses. He wonders in his little eight-year-old head why out of everything and how it aligned and happened the way it did, just why. It doesn’t make sense but this is how scrambled it was up in there with many things unanswered for.

Was any of it good or is it a lie? That question he’ll ponder on quite a lot for years to come. This isn’t about the death, he doesn’t care about it, it was inevitable. Rather he wants to know why everything seems to have screwed him over, why things happened and changed while everyone was alive, why things can go well, and then so suddenly go bad. Why he has to ask all these questions and have them all left open. 

He also still wonders why he can still see him, his  _ father _ . Part of him figured he’d go once the real one did, but he’s standing some ways over leaning upon a tree, not wearing black like everyone else is. Not that he needed to keep up appearances with them anyhow but he did stick out. 

Things were uncertain between them now. He wasn’t going anywhere it seems, but things were going to change now regardless. Elliot’s kind of glad he’s stayed around, but it fills him with a lot of strange feelings he doesn’t have the words to describe and never quite will because he’ll eventually come to forget how this day really felt. The same goes for a lot of this time within his life. When things became less than simple, and his shoes became filled by more than one person. One thing was certain though.

_ "I don’t think I can call you dad anymore."  _

There’s a moment for that to process, the one by the tree uncrosses his arms and stuffs his hands in his pockets mulling it over. He looks a bit upset but nods in agreement with Elliot. It’s understandable their relationship takes a different turn at this point. Even though he sees Elliot as his son, fighting would only make this situation a much bigger mess than it should be. 

_ "Okay kid, just use my real name then." _

Good, that would be simple, except Elliot only knew to call this one Mr.Robot which is more or less not a real-sounding name. Elliot suspects he has a first name too and decides he will ask about it later. Mr.Robot was also the name of the computer repair shop, Elliot can’t quite place whether that's just coincidence or not but doesn’t want to ask. That shop will now have to close down. That’s one going away Elliot has mourned for, he liked that place, it was fun. Cemeteries are boring.

The priest keeps rambling words off from his silly book, all of this is kinda silly really. Though it’s also serious, as funerals, Elliot has now fully realized, are not a place to goof off under any circumstances. Which is why Mr.Robot is not next to everyone else anymore. It’s best if he watches from a distance for the rest of this cause he has a tendency to not keep his mouth shut. 

Darlene’s gloved hand squeezes tight around his cold palm, unlike him she’s been emotional all week. Not necessarily crying all the time but far more moody than usual. This must be far more confusing to her, being only four. Then Mom hardly said a single word to either of them since it finally happened, which makes things worse cause Elliot had to be the one to explain things. 

He had known before either of them that this was gonna happen, which makes mom mad, still, even months later. She hasn’t been the same since she found out, but he hopes that things go back to normal soon cause he doesn’t like the new mom much. She was always rather high strung about having things be her way but it’s just been  _ shit _ , he doesn’t dare say that out loud but that’s the best word for it. 

He knows Darlene never liked her much, and he’s been starting to get it. Mom kind of sucked at mom stuff. He guesses he never realized how much she sucked because he was usually around dad, which makes the most sense. But keeps thinking maybe she just doesn’t like him anymore since he had kept the secret and all. He hopes maybe life won’t still be shit after this finally blows over and things get forgiven. He hopes Darlene’s just being dramatic about things. 

However, Mr.Robot isn’t so convinced of hope. He’s with Darlene and the decision to be extra wary of mom from now on. He’s already explained it’s not about the rents anymore, seems to know something Elliot doesn’t about all this. Claims they’re bad but with him its undivided devotion, a better figure to look to for guidance and protection. Maybe that’s true, but Elliot still doesn’t know if he trusts his judgment always.

For example, on the car ride over he said that there’s no use crying during this, that they should both look strong in front of other people. Elliot had no problem with this idea initially. He didn’t feel much like tearing up, and he also liked the idea that he may impress Angela by appearing tough. But now that he’s here he realizes she isn’t even looking at him so it’s embarrassing to even think that. And well...

_ "Maybe it would be nice to cry." _

_ "Save it." _

Fine. He’ll hold it in. Why bother crying just because. Besides, all he really wants is to go home. Funerals are serious, but this made them agitating and uncomfortable. Mr.Robot wants out more so it seems, he really hates the one in the casket and won’t shut up about it. " _ He doesn’t deserve a funeral." _

Elliot knows that’s understandable, even if he also gets it’s not up to him what’s transgressing. Cancer happened to kill. His dad is dead and there’s nothing to do about it but this now. Funerals are about putting things to rest too, and closure might be good for them. Though it doesn’t really feel like anything had really closed. 

_ "Come on screw this guy. Drag your sister, and let’s kick this joint." _

Elliot can't. He has to stand here, hold his sister’s hand through this like a good brother. Knows not to make his mother mad again today by acting out in front of all these people. Once was enough. So there’s no way out, he has to bury his dad and deal with all the unanswered questions of that. Was any of it good or is this a lie? If only it were so simple to answer. 

_ "Soon. Soon this will all be over." _

Things were over soon, everyone piled back in their cars not long after and drove over to hold a small reception. It’s a bit more exciting than the other parts, but here Elliot realizes he actually isn’t as tough as he believed. He doesn’t want to admit any of it is happening, but it all sort of clicks that it is. He runs off to the boy’s room and cries in the stall, arms wrapped around Mr.Robot for comfort.

_ "Why does it hurt so much? Why do I care?"  _

These questions go unanswered, as so many are. He hides out there until it's time to finally go home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (EDIT 7/22/20: Some may now notice I changed the date around to March, including the chapter's title, this was for keeping timeline more accurate. The date was originally the same as the death date. Sorta my bad, but mostly a google fluke cause the wiki is inaccurate (typical). Anyway leave comments and kudos!)


End file.
